On June 1st, I turned 50.  I can not believe that I’m 50.  I don’t mind it, I don’t feel any older, I just can’t believe that number – it seems impossible to me.

Anyway.

There have been an embarrassment of celebrations – It started last Thursday with lunch and pampering at a dear friend’s house and it will continue through this weekend with a big party with my tribe. I’ve never felt so connected and celebrated in my life.  Today is the only down day in the midst of the eleven day party and I’m compelled to reflect – reflection is a big part of my philosophy and I find that a check in, regularly is a great way to figure out what’s working, what’s not, and to make the changes necessary to live your best life.

Checking in with the work I did in January – and looking at my Word Of The Year: Thrive – I am thrilled to say that Thrive is exactly what I’ve been doing. Although – next year I’m going to be more careful with my wording  – let’s just say that using phrases like “Baptism by fire” and “burning away the bullshit” have been a little rougher than I would have liked. But still, it’s all for the greater good.  I’ve been releasing (and sometimes I’ve been released from) situations, people, and events that haven’t been serving anyone, no matter how hard I tried.

For the remainder of the year, I’d like to go even deeper, delving into what lights me up and what just doesn’t serve me.

What’s Working?

• Music – I’m having so much fun making music.  I’ve written about this before, but it’s been so wonderful to reclaim this love. I’m still nervous as hell anytime that I get to perform, but it’s such a gift to myself, to my soul. It just lights me up.
• People – I am so very lucky.  I have an amazing circle of people in my life.  A tribe so big, beautiful, diverse, and so full of love.
• Possibility – This is a little more abstract – but letting go of what I think my life should look like, where I should be, and what I should be doing and really opening up to the possibilities all around me.  Things that I’ve never even thought of are appearing in my life in ways that are so surprising, I can’t help but marvel at them.
• Allowing myself to be ok with the idea that I don’t know everything – and asking for help in areas where I’m particularly vulnerable and then really listening to the advice I’m given, especially if it’s something I don’t want to hear, that makes me uncomfortable.  There’s always a lesson in there.

What’s Not Working?

• Eating out all the time.  We’ve been on such a whirlwind that I never cook anymore and I don’t love the kitchen in the new house.  It’s small, dark, and old.  This is a rental so there isn’t much I can do about that… but we do need to figure it out so that we can get back to the much healthier way of eating that we used to be so serious about.
• Sleeping patterns. My schedule is so skewed, I’m living on Pacific Time, but in Eastern Time.
• Sporadic income. Things always work out, I have everything I need, but I’d like to create more security.
• Hiding. I’ve had so many moments of realizing that I’m afraid to shine too brightly – that seems to be a theme for lots of women that I know.

What Changes Can I Make?

• Clear away the kitchen items that I really don’t need, to make room for cooking the meals that we’ll enjoy. Brighten up the room, somehow. Getting back in touch with my inner chef.
• Take a week to get our schedules in alignment with what really works for us.  Deal with the lack of sleep for a couple of days to get that done.
• Create smarter marketing, get serious about schedules and scheduling.
• Stop hiding. Let go of the idea that someone is going to disapprove of what I’m doing, or how I’m doing it.

What Else Do I Need?

• Weekly Artist’s Dates
• Scheduled music time
• Scheduled writing time
• Scheduled marketing and development time

Hmmm… seems schedule is a concept I need to incorporate for the second part of this year.