Recently, I had a very interesting experience.  I’ve worked with a client for many years and a couple of years ago he partnered with someone new – they needed a website and I was thrilled that they contacted me again – I love repeat clients – I like the idea of reconnecting and once a good work relationship is established, it’s nice to revisit and create new things together.   My contact with the partner, however, just didn’t feel right from the beginning.  I should have listened to my intuition – but I really don’t like to turn down work.  My general feeling is that, if someone wants to pay me to do what I love, then I should be very grateful for that; and still I am.  But I have learned that even through gratitude, I can set healthy boundaries.  I won’t make that mistake again.

The Beginning…

From the first, the partner was a little… smarmy.  An over abundance of flattery, emails that were really unnecessary, but I wrote it off that he was just being friendly.  We started to run into snags right from the beginning.  I had raised my rates and the client wanted me to do the work at my old rate – I agreed (mistake #1), if they got me the deposit by Sept. 21, 2013.  I didn’t receive the deposit until Sept. 24, and still I honored the old pricing (mistake #2).  At this point, they started to become very sporadic in responding to me and they were not getting me their content in a timely fashion, at all.  I offered help, guidance, and nothing.  We would go weeks without contact.  I tried sending emails once every other week and they never responded.  In April, I called and left one last message – the message I left was less than friendly – I said something to the effect of, “I would appreciate the courtesy of some contact, letting me know whether or not you want to move forward – as of now, I’m not going to do anything further, the ball is in your court.”

At that point, I started to use Google to do some research on the new partner and what I found was less than flattering – there were legal issues and I decided that I would not ever contact them again.

About a week ago, I got an email from the partner, several emails actually – all with content and photographs and an apology that they hadn’t contacted me. They were ready to move forward and brought up that they had already paid their deposit. I responded that my rates had gone up over a year ago and I could no longer honor that pricing, I included dates, emails, dates and times of phone messages (lesson #1 – document and save EVERYTHING), and said that in order to move forward, I would draw up a proposal for what I was willing to do, time frames and costs and when he agreed I would need payment in full before proceeding.  He tried to negotiate the pricing, but I stood firm (yay me!).  He finally agreed and said to go ahead and draw up the proposal.

The Middle…

I drew up the proposal, very straightforward, short, and to the point, outlining what I needed from them, what I was providing, the time frame, etc.  I sent it off to him and he agreed, stating that he would send the check out that day.  The  next day, I received an email asking me to add very specific wording to the proposal (only now he was calling it a contract) – even without a law degree I could see that this was entering waters that put me at a very distinct disadvantage.  My intuition started screaming at me and I sent him an email that I would have my attorney look at it and get back to him as soon as they got back to me.

Shortly after that, I sent him an email stating that I wasn’t going to add the wording that they were demanding  – that I had acted in good faith, honored my end of every agreement and felt that the wording was more than sufficient.

He immediately sent back an email stating:

We appreciate your help, but to be honest we do not like the way that things are going to start a relation regarding a matter as important as our website.

Please cancel everything.

The End…

While I do not like to ever say “no” to income, I do feel that this was so important.  Notice how he believes this is a “start” – when we’ve been going round and round for a year and a half, (not to mention the fact that I’ve had a working relationship with his partner for almost a decade!)- I’m, like most of you, I’m sure – not really in a position to walk away from a job, but in the end I know that this was very important.

As spirit centered entrepreneurs, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to help, in being a good person, in being generous with our gifts, but when the energy is so one sided, when there is no mutual respect, when you’re being taken advantage of – it’s so important to come back to who we are and what we’re worth and to stand up for yourself, and what’s right.

Boundaries…

I always come back to the philosophy of win/win/win and I believe in it with all my heart – there is enough to go around, there is enough abundance for us all.  When someone treats you poorly – accepting that kind of treatment just sets you up for more of that treatment.  When we remove ourselves from that situation, we create the energy of what we’re manifesting in this world.  It was scary as hell to send that last email and I really had a hard time pressing “send”, but in the end I know it was what I needed to do for myself.

I used to do business in a very different way, accepting any and all offers, working for less than I was worth because I felt I should be grateful to have any work at all.  That doesn’t serve me.  And if you’re doing it, it doesn’t serve you either.  We teach people how to treat us and I’ve gone from working with very demanding clients who were not at all respectful of my time, talent, or knowledge – resentful of actually paying me to do something they were not capable, or willing to do – to a client base of the most glorious, beautiful souls, working to make their corner of the world more aware, kinder, more beautiful.

In the end, I think, the lesson was that this was the last of the “old world order” and reminded me of just how far I’ve come.

 

 

Photo credit: David Goehring